Parenting: Good Things to Come of COVID-19
As I sit here and write this article about silver linings, please don’t mistake me for being glib or for not caring. My husband is working directly with COVID patients in the ICU at this moment. My father is in a nursing facility where several residents have died of COVID. And my nephew, a feisty, sweet, red-haired boy of 6 is trapped in his 2-bedroom NYC apartment and can only go out for walks at off hours in the cemetery. He was hospitalized last year for pneumonia so he just can’t take the risk of crowded NYC sidewalks in the COVID-19 epicenter.
So, while acknowledging my own anxiety, pain and grief about all of this and all the suffering in the world at this moment, I am trying to focus on the positives. Especially as a parent, as this is my world. To all of you parents out there who have no help (or who do have help!) and are working from home, trapped at home and trying to help your kids remote learn-- I want you to know that I feel for you. As a family we are (trying) to rise to this challenge of self-regulating and self-direction. They are learning to do their own laundry, walk the dog (“you’re old enough now!”), regulate screen time, connect online with friends, make snacks and mostly healthy food, and raise themselves. It’s a little lord of the flies on certain occasions but they also Facetime with their grandmas (Grandmas stay healthy!) to learn Italian and to read and write stories. They bike and scooter in circles around our neighborhood and have stopped asking why they have no trampoline when we explain that they are lucky to be able to go outside at all.
Sometimes we try to get creative and sometimes it’s an epic fail. My daughter and I tried to make facemasks using her sewing machine over the weekend when the CDC announced the new recommendation for all Americans to wear masks outside. It didn’t go well. But that‘s okay and I know we’ll laugh about it someday. Luckily, a colleague gave us a few. My youngest daughter wants to learn to knit so we’re going to see if YouTube can teach her or we can Zoom with a relative who can teach her. At times, they just have to be bored and to tolerate it. At times, they have to manage their frustrations and they are learning to do this. We are appreciating the break from the hustle and bustle of too many activities.
My kids have endless screen time when the weather is bad *(which is rare- as we are in Denver- one of the sunniest states in the continental US) and even sometimes when it’s good . But at other times they are out and about with our dog, social distancing appropriately and trying to just go with the flow and enjoy the crocuses coming up. They now have a schedule for their screen time so that my Zoom therapy sessions don’t crash because the Wifi can’t handle the volume of calls. They are adjusting to the new norms (that keep changing) and managing their disappointments about things being cancelled.
I am also learning that I have to grow, adapt and change. I was the queen of limiting screen time and devices before all this and now I see how important the technology is for connecting and learning. I am having to learn new technology for my practice and to support their remote learning. It’s frustrating and I use all the skills I teach in therapy-- breathing, mindfulness, self-compassion-- to manage my angst. I also try to remind myself that these frustrations are nothing compared to the suffering around the world.
To all of you out there in your various situations at home with kids, isolated at home, out working at essential jobs, working with COVID patients, seeing loved ones suffer and die from COVID and possibly being ill yourself- I wish you all the best and to come through this with something positive. We have to, right???