Managing Holiday Stress
A few weeks back someone on the radio announced that there were “72 days until Christmas,”, and I groaned internally.
By now, most of you probably have made plans for the holidays. Some of you are probably excited about your plans and some of you may be dreading them. Some of you will be traveling and some of you are staying put. Some of you are hosting. Some of you may not have plans and may be wondering what to do with yourself.
Remember: Things Don’t Always Go According to Plan
The holidays – and life itself – provide us with many opportunities to manage stress and build resilience. Case in point: Thanksgiving 2019. We hosted a big family gathering up in the beautiful Rocky Mountains of Colorado. Family flew in from both coasts. We hauled groceries, extra plates, soups and sauces, and more blankets up to the house prior to our guest’s arrival.
The difficulties began when several family members showed up sick and several more fell ill quickly after arrival. We had the flu, altitude sickness, and pulmonary edema to contend with over Thanksgiving week. It was like a comedy in that almost everyone present was affected.
Several people were too sick to make it to Thanksgiving dinner and we had to put the actual food on hold for several hours to take one child to urgent care so he could get help breathing.
Finally, at the end of the meal – with said child sitting at the table with his oxygen mask on – my cousin and her boyfriend announced their engagement through a game of telephone. It was a beacon of hope in a long, hard week of illness and stress.
It will always be a memorable Thanksgiving for many reasons and my aunt, with her infinite creativity, memorialized it all in a cartoon.
How to Manage Holiday Stress
With this year’s holidays just around the corner, let’s hope things go more smoothly this year. If they don’t, that’s OK too – there might still be a great story to tell one day, or make a cartoon out of. The important thing to remember is that there are ways to lessen the pressure a little. Here are some tips to help you manage holiday stress:
1. Stick to your routines
At least some of them, as much as you can. Keep up some basic aspects of your routine such as exercise, meditation and/or your sleep schedule.
Even if you can’t stick to your workouts completely, figure out a way to fit in a short workout or a walk while you’re away or have company.
I always pack sneakers so I can fit in a brisk walk (with hat and gloves) to help me stay balanced – even in frigid Chicago winter weather.
2. Set limits
You don’t have to throw a big, all-out holiday bash unless you really want to. We wanted to last year but we don’t this year, so we’re keeping it very simple. Decide what you are going to focus on.
You might prepare an extravagant meal for the big day, but get takeout the night before. You could ask everyone to bring a dish for a potluck. Or, if you’re like my New York relatives, you’ll go out for Chinese food and a movie on Christmas.
If you are hosting, set times for arrival and departure. Let others know that you won’t be available at certain times so you can do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
3. Delegate or ask for help
If you are hosting, assign jobs. People generally want to help out and you’ll probably need it. Figure out what needs to get done and plan ahead.
My aunt and uncle (hostess/host extraordinaire) used to send out a cute evite to their Thanksgiving bash and assign tasks. It was more fun knowing we would all participate. Even the kids had assigned jobs they could manage.
Some of my favorite holiday memories are of standing at the sink washing dishes with my cousins post-Thanksgiving feast while we shimmied to the beat of Michael Jackson or whoever was on the playlist to keep us going through the stack of dishes.
4. Hire help
If you can. Perhaps you can ask someone to help with the clean-up after a big meal or hire a sitter if your family feast involves a lot of little ones.
A wedding I recently attended had sitters, special tables and activities for children so that parents could participate and enjoy the wedding and dancing.
I have thrown gatherings for which I wish I had hired help so I could have spent more time with my guests rather than restocking drinks and food.
5. Schedule recovery time
If possible, schedule a day or part of a day to recover from the festivities. Don’t make any plans during this time. You may need the down time to recover.
If you feel you can be assertive about this, ask your holiday guests to leave on Saturday so you can have Sunday off. Or, let them know you have things to do on Sunday to get a jump on your week – go to the gym, go through those piled up emails, or just stay in your pjs, do laundry and watch Netflix.
6. If you don’t want to host (and often do), tell people in advance
It may be too late for this year, but consider this for future holidays. Don’t let the “shoulds” run the show.
One of my clients decided to travel abroad during a holiday – it offered a nice change from hosting and changed his perspective on feeling obliged to. The rest of the family figured it out. Perhaps someone else will step up to host or you can just allow people to make other plans.
7. Help others
If you don’t have plans or are alone over a holiday, this may be a great opportunity to volunteer at a local soup kitchen. Sign up during the holidays can fill up fast so do it now. Metro Denver Caring is a local place where you can do this.
Don’t Get Caught Up on Expectations
I’m writing this in the midst of a snowstorm that really threw off my day but now that I’ve accepted the situation for what it is, I’m enjoying the time alone in the office. Regardless of your holiday plans this year, try not to get caught up on expectations – your own or those of others. It’s a recipe for disappointment.
You never know what life – the flu or the weather! – might throw at you, so try to take everything as it comes and don’t get precious about details that, ultimately, don’t really matter. Memories are made of moments, not the matching napkins and tablecloths.
-Antonia
P.S. For help with holiday stress or learning skills to be resilient in the face of stress, please visit www.cbtdenver.com or email us at info@cbtdenver.com.