Habits and How to Come Back After Unravelling
A new year is an opportunity to create new habits and let go of unhelpful ones. 2020 and/or 2021 was a time of unravelling for many. Routines unravelled- work, school, exercise, activities, gatherings and connections. Some routines that we created during the 2020 quarantine have stayed despite limited utility in our lives at this time. The start of 2022 is a time to consider what to carry forward and what to leave behind. COVID is carrying forward, whether we like it or not, although hopefully in a less virulent way overall. As we (hopefully) come out of this latest surge and more places open up and more people get vaccinated and boosted, we have the opportunity to be more intentional with our behaviors.
James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, writes, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you want to become.” What is the type of person you want to become? What habit would that person do? A major tenet of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is to start doing something small in line with your values and goals rather than waiting for the motivation to come. Motivation is uncertain and sometimes doesn’t come on it’s own so it doesn't work to just wait for it. As I sit here and write this I see my dog waiting for her walk. It’s 20 degrees outside. I would love to say that I feel motivated to go on a walk with her but the truth is that I don’t. However, I will go out anyway, reminding myself as I pull on my hat and boots that I will enjoy the sunshine and seeing her prance around in the snow once I’m out. A good way to start to become the person you want to be is to take small actions towards your goals. If we continue to do so, the motivation generally follows.
In CBT we set SMART goals: Small, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-based. Our biggest mistake is to start too big. My clients often want to create a goal of going to the gym for an hour 3x/week. This goal sounds great but I have learned over the years (including from my own personal experience) that this is generally not very effective and creates a sense of failure. Going outside for a walk around the block at lunch or before starting the car is more realistic and doable. While I also want to start big, I have learned that starting small makes me feel better because it’s more likely to get done and to keep getting done. In his book, Clear has a similar but slightly different set of guidelines in creating a lasting habit: Make it 1) obvious, 2) attractive, 3) easy and 4) satisfying. These are other important ways to create lasting habits. What can you do to make your new habit more attractive and satisfying?
The narratives our mind creates can become habits as well. The stories we habitually tell ourselves, the stories we were told, and the media we intake may or may not be helpful in managing our emotions and our responses to stress. Your new habit might be to start noticing that unhelpful story. You can keep track of how many times it shows up. Spoiler alert: just tracking a behavior can lead to behavioral change!
What is the opposite of unravelling? Is it stitching back together? Creating anew? Rebuilding? Rebirthing? I’m unsure of the right word so I’m going to keep searching. We are all a work in progress and the pandemic has changed all of us. As another well-known writer and speaker on habits, Charles Duhigg says, “Change might not be fast and easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.” If you are interested in creating new habits and systems to support them, please reach out. Here at CBTDenver, we are happy to help you in your journey.
-Antonia