At the start of each new year, it is common to feel an urge to jump head first into new resolutions. It is often a time of eagerness, energy, and excitement. An opportunity to start anew and perhaps leave the challenges of the past year behind. This excitement can lead to setting unrealistic and unattainable goals which can create stress and increase anxiety, particularly for those who are prone to anxiety. However, this does not mean you need to ditch New Year’s resolutions altogether. Instead, it is important to be mindful of how you approach them.

Set Approach-Oriented Goals

A 2020 study indicated that participants felt more successful at maintaining their resolutions (nearly 60% compared to under 50%) when they set approach-oriented goals vs. avoidance-oriented goals. In other words, creating goals around doing something of value or interest rather than avoiding something negative. It is more motivating to move toward something meaningful than away from something. For example, it is easier to accomplish a goal such as spending more time with your family and friends that is tied to your value of connection rather than avoiding making dentist appointments because it’s uncomfortable. Framing goals in terms of personal values and adding benefit to your life vs. taking something away/stopping something can be especially helpful for people with anxiety. So, before creating a resolution, it may be helpful to think about what interests you and what you want more of in your life (e.g., time with loved ones, creativity, relaxation, increased energy or stamina, etcetera).

Be Realistic With Yourself

People tend to over-estimate what they can realistically accomplish when setting goals which can make achieving a goal much more difficult, if not impossible, and increase anxiety and sense of failure. It is important to set small, realistic, and attainable goals which help build a sense of confidence and momentum. A small and doable goal such as scheduling one hour of quality time with a family member or friend per week or texting an out of town friend or relative once a week is less anxiety-provoking than larger goals that require time and sustained effort to achieve. When creating resolutions, ask yourself, “Is my resolution achievable, attainable, and realistic given the resources, circumstances, and/or abilities I have?” If not, make it smaller. Ask yourself, “What is the least I can do that would be helpful?” Also, think in the short-term vs. projecting out over the year. What is one small step you can take today, or this week, that moves you toward your goal? Baby steps will get you where you want to go over time with less sense of overwhelm.

Don’t Compare Yourself To Others

Further, comparison to others can fuel self-criticism and anxiety. When setting goals, focus on yourself and what is important to you. Everyone has different circumstances and abilities, and what is helpful to one person may not be helpful to another. What matters is what is beneficial to you. And, accept that set backs are part of the process. If you are too critical about how you are implementing, or not implementing, your goal your anxiety will increase and you may give up on an ultimately helpful goal altogether. If you start to criticize yourself, practice self-compassion. Remember that perfection doesn’t exist and you are human. You can say to yourself, “I am perfectly imperfect” or “It’s okay. I am human.”

CBT Denver Can Help

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), can help you create realistic, values-based, and less anxiety-provoking goals. If you are interested in learning more, please contact us at CBTDenver. – Jennifer Caspari, PhD