Exercise more

Lose weight

Get organized

Get a new hobby

Learn a new skill

Save money

Quit smoking...

Do any of these sound familiar?

They certainly sound familiar to me. As a matter of fact, they sound so familiar that it’s almost like an echo year to year to year. December 31st; A date on the calendar that represents so much more than the 31st day. It represents transition. It represents a new chapter. It pulls for reflection, comparison, and evaluation. Since ancient times (literally), humans have been making resolutions. I cannot attest for how successful the Babylonians were in reaching their goals or in satisfying their intentions, but here’s a fun fact – according to the US News & World Report, 80% of resolutions fail and most of them fail by mid-February. 

Why?

Why would we keep banging our heads against the wall for 4,000 years to end up abandoning our resolutions? They seem like such good ideas! Self-improvement, healthier living, more social connection, skills development - these all sound like good things I can get on board with. 

Many experts have pondered this question so it’s not as though the New Year’s Resolution Quandary has gone unnoticed. But it’s December and I’m a behaviorist at heart, so I thought I’d ponder it as well. Let’s break it down.

1.   Values:

In several clinical interventions– Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, Behavioral Activation – there is a foundation of identifying, understanding, and pursuing values. We call it value-driven action. 

What is important to you? What are the guideposts on your horizon? What do you move towards that creates meaning?

This is a helpful, dare I say crucial, place to start. Does quitting smoking fit within your value structure? It sounds like a no brainer, but is it really? Do YOU hold value in not smoking or losing weight or learning French? Now don’t get me wrong, values are super important but it’s only the beginning. 

2.   Practicality:

If I reflect, I can definitely see how I bit off more than I could chew resolution-wise. I’ll get a trainer. I’ll go to the gym 5 days a week. I’ll never eat sugar again. Nope! Trainers are expensive, I have a four-year-old, and I like a treat. So, what’s reasonable and attainable? How can I break this down into smaller steps? How can I measure my success with the plan? Who can support me?

3.   Reign It In:

I’ve done this too. I’ve chosen far too many self-improvement paths at one time. It can get overwhelming and defeating in my experience. We don’t have to change everything at the same time. December 31st has become our symbol for “out with the old and in with the new”, but really every day is an opportunity for a shift. One step at a time. Sometimes we think we have to make big changes, and then we get overwhelmed so we don’t make any changes. Smaller changes can be far more impactful than our minds think they will be.

And last but not least….

4.   What does your mind have to say?

 We all have a narrative. That invisible thought bubble that follows us around day in and day out. It’s familiar and it often influences our mood, emotions, and behaviors. Our narrative has a lot to say about our self-worth, our lovability, and our ability to cope. Some of us refer to this as our inner monologue. I’ve often discussed this internal voice with clients who firmly believe that a tough internal narrative is the only way to stay on track, stay motivated. Often in a course of treatment, we will spend time examining this narrative - checking it for accuracy, assessing when it seems to get louder or less kind. Without even being aware of it, our narrative can show up, turn up the volume, and derail us. It can feel as though an impenetrable wall has risen up between our resolution and us. Just something to think about. What does your narrative have to say? Does it get in the way sometimes?

December 31st is approaching. If you are like many others, you are pulling together ideas of what you envision for your new chapter. If you, also like many others, find yourself only semi-confident in your ability to stick to the plan, then it might be a great opportunity to do it differently. 

Happy New Year from all of us at CBTDenver. 

-Mary

P.S. For more information on how to make and stick to your resolution, change your narrative, or how to live a values-driven life, go to www.cbtdenver.com.